My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
