Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if only i could text you this smell
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
