Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
