There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
