wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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