My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
