How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
