the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
