I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
