does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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