remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
