mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I love you.
Bad choice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
