I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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