her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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