nut hugger
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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