Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How external is "for external use only"?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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