Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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