tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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