mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
