Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
