Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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