HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
