There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
