i can't believe i had my finger in that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
