I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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