if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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