sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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