I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
