I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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