oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
