Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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