My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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