The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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