if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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