he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
