There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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