A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
