You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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