every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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