I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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