I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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