I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
