Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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