I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
