i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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