i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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