I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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