I accidentally had phone sex last night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
