I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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