it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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