Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize