Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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