road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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