Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
