I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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