Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
