and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
