Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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