she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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