haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
