I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
