And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
