the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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