By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
